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Letters
Question:
I've liked a particular someone for nearly eight
months now. She knows about it.
Just recently my friends have tried very hard to bring
us together. It ended up that we
spent a day together, but only for that day. She tells
our friends that she can't go out with me
cause of commitments. I've been told by other sources
that she says she loves me, but is not in love with
me.
She stopped talking to me for a while, but now we are
like friends again. But I still like (and maybe even
love) her.
What do I do????
I really need your help! --
It sounds like you have got to get interested in
yourself. Itís not a good idea to give all your
energy to someone, and especially if you aren't
positive that she feels the same way about you.
What do you like to do? What are you good at? It's
time for you to get busy doing things youíre good at,
and things you like doing. If you become interesting
to yourself, others will find you interesting as well.
This will draw her and others to you. You might find
someone else who wants to be a real friend to you. It
sounds like you are a sincere person with a good and
true heart. I hope someone who appreciates you finds
you soon.
Write anytime, I do care,
Love, Lorelei :)
Question:
I've liked a particular someone for nearly eight
months now. She knows about it.
Just recently my friends have tried very hard to bring
us together. It ended up that we
spent a day together, but only for that day. She tells
our friends that she can't go out with me
cause of commitments. I've been told by other sources
that she says she loves me, but is not in love with
me.
She stopped talking to me for a while, but now we are
like friends again. But I still like (and maybe even
love) her.
What do I do????
I really need your help! --
Thank you for writing, I really do care. If I say
something wrong, please forgive.
It sounds like you have got to get interested in
yourself. Itís not a good idea to give all your
energy to someone, and especially if you aren't
positive that she feels the same way about you.
What do you like to do? What are you good at? It's
time for you to get busy doing things youíre good at,
and things you like doing. If you become interesting
to yourself, others will find you interesting as well.
This will draw her and others to you. You might find
someone else who wants to be a real friend to you. It
sounds like you are a sincere person with a good and
true heart. I hope someone who appreciates you finds
you soon.
Write anytime, I do care,
Love, Lorelei :)
Question:
Alright, I'm looking for some insight from someone who knows about love/relationships, as you seem to do. Alright, I'm an eighteen year old guy, and I'm interested in a girl. This girl means everything to me. We've been best friends for almost two years now. I've always had feelings for her, but recently, my love for her has taken another step(or a few more). She's always on my mind, always. I went out with her two times over spring break (just hanging out, not a 'real' date). She's told me before she's had 'romantic' feelings for me. We discuss everything that goes on, and very personal stuff, she's the only person in the world I would tell anything to. I see our current friendship as one of the most important things in my life, but it needs to go further, know what I'm saying? She is the first girl I've felt this strongly for, no one else even comes close. To me, she is the most beautiful and nicest and sweetest and honest girl in the world. I told her recently how I felt and she replied with some stuff like 'she had those feelings for me in the past' and ''m scared we'll lose our current relationship' and other stuff like that. She did kind of urge me to ask her to the prom (dropping hints and stuff) which I did and we're going and all. I just want some input from you of what you think I should do now? I'm not really good at this love thing but I think I'm truly in love with this girl. So Lorelei, what should I do?
--
It sounds like you need to decide what you can live
with, and what you can't settle for. I think you need
to be more direct and tell her exactly what you need.
I would say something like 'I need a relationship, not
a friendship from you'. Wait until it's a good time
when you two can be all alone for a while.
Have you decided that she won't lose your friendship
if you both pursue a relationship and it doesnít work
out? Really think about that, and let her know if you
can still be there as her friend in the future. Don't
just answer yes right away, you really need to think
about that.
If she says absolutely no relationship like what you
want, what are your plans then? You need to think
about this, and make your move, realizing that she has
the freedom to say yes or no, and you need to be okay
with her decision as well.
Let me know what happens, I care,
Love, Lorelei :)
Question:
I have just gotten out of a long abusive marriage, and I have met someone who I really care for, and he seems to like me, but I am so scared I will smother him. I already know that I love him. I think of him all day long, and even have trouble sleeping. He is out of town now visiting his family, and I am going crazy! I miss him so much, and we have only been out 4 times, he drives 2 hours one way to see me, and he is just perfect to me. I am just afraid I am wanting more, than he is ready for, I am wanting to call him constantly, I have called since he has been gone just to hear his voice on his answering machine. there doesn't seem to be no one else he is seeing, but can you tell me, should I tell him how I feel, he tells me all the time I can have any man I want, I feel that maybe he thinks he doesn't look good enough for me, and I want him to know that he is the only one I want without scaring him off, or being pushy, please help!
--
Thank you for writing, I really do care. I want to
say that I do not know everything, so if I say
something wrong or offend you, I am sorry.
I understand why you feel the way you do. The first
thing I want to say is: 'Don't worry!', if it's meant
to be, it will be. You have to trust yourself here.
I want you to write 'I am lovable and worthwhile' on a
piece of paper and put it somewhere you'll see it
every day, and then really start to believe in your
worth. Rent 'The Joy Luck Club'. It's a very good
movie with a message for each woman. You must decide
on your own personal worth before you settle down with
anybody.
It's time for you to do things that make you happy.
Do you have any hobbies, or do you have time for arts
and crafts? Try to do things that are fun for you,
and really listen to your heart while you're having
fun. Take longer bubble baths, and get involved with
a club, if you can. Getting out and having fun alone
will make you more interesting to talk to when you are
with someone else.
Please write again and tell me how it's going, I
really do care,
Love, Lorelei :)
Question:
Hello, Me and my girlfriend are for more than 2 years together now. We
have a lot in common and we have also our differences as any other
relatoinships. When do you know that these little differences, as they
seem in the beginning, are too big to maintain the relationship? When is
trying to accept their "faults" enough?
--
This is a GREAT question---I think all you need is some time alone once,
and then you need to really ponder this question for yourself--nobody can
tell you the right answer for you---you have been together for two
years--that's quite a long time actually---you need to remember what you
committed to...did you promise love forever? Then you need to evaluate what
that really meant for you--did you mean "love as long as it's comfortable
for me?" or did you really mean real love, which accepts faults and
irrations and talks out problems until they can be worked on in a fulfilling
way? Or do you remember only promising to love as long as you were happy?
How much does this girlfriend mean to you? We can all learn from our
elders--they stayed married no matter what....because they had to---I like
that committment, that's real love.....
Love, Lorelei :)
Question:
I am 29 years old, divorced with 2 kids. My boyfriend, 26, divorcing
with 2 kids, I love him more than I have ever loved anyone before. The
problem that we are having is we just can't seem to get enough of each
other and in the meantime our "lives" are getting put to the side. How
can we be together and still maintain our lives? Another question is I
am planning on proposing to him in a few days, we both want a long
engagement how should I do the proposing? I have never done this before.
Help-Help-Help.
--
I totally understand your feelings, the more you have of each other, the
more you want...The BEST thing you can do right now is do a Lot together,
with all the children. I know that the kids need that, and if you take them
places with you, they'll be a lot less demanding later on, when you want to
be alone, you know?
I wouldn't propose right now--I would leave things as they are and let
your kids in on your decision. It will affect them so much, let them know
that it could happen and ask them how they feel about it. The more you
involve your kids, the less guilt you'll feel, the happier you'll be, I
promise.
Love, Lorelei :)
Question:
Hi There,
I just visited your web page and thought I would pose a
question to you. When do you know you are in love with someone as
opposed to just a physical attraction. How can you tell it is genuine
or just lust ?
--
There are many ways to tell, but even
after you know you're in real love, the questions can still be there.
You're going to have to spend some time alone and really think about this.
Where did you meet this person? How long have you known this person? For
me, I think we all start out feeling attracted to another person. Then,
that feeling has to change into a mature genuine care and affection. You
will know deep inside if you're in that sort of wonderful love or not. You
have to listen to yourself. Do you care more about them than you do about
yourself? Do you want to be with them to make them happy or to make you happy?
Love, Lorelei :)
Question:
I do the best I can. I try to act really fund and charming and still my
husband doesn't love me. How do I learn to live with the fact that he
really just doesn't want me but is stuck because he is a minister and
divorce is not a possibility?
--
I am so sorry, because this sounds like the most sad situation--so many
people get married so they won't be alone anymore, but that can be when real
loneliness begins. You absolutely need to begin to treasure yourself for
the charming and wonderful person you are. You probably have a lot of
talents and some real goodness....am I right? I'm sure I am. Do me a
favor----write "I am a lovable and worthwhile person" on a piece of paper
and put it somewhere where just you will see it everyday--maybe by a mirror.
I'm hoping it will start you believing in yourself, that you are a neat and
nifty person and you deserve to be with a man who treasures you for the
lovable and wonderful person you are. Do you really want to be with this
man? That's the ONLY question you need to answer--it doesn't matter how
anyone feels about divorce--we should all care about if you're feeling loved
or not.
I'm so sorry to go on and on--it really bugs the heck out of me to hear
someone getting mistreated and someone feeling unloved--I LOVE YOU :)
Question:
How can you tell if a guy is in love with you and what are the signs
and how can you tell if he is acting goofy? Your answer will be
helpful
--
It's a wonderful thing to really like and even love someone :)
Now, about being able to tell if they like you back---this is soo hard
sometimes! I just urge caution--if you make a move when you are not sure
what his real feelings are, he might back way off and the attraction that
really was real - you might think he was just acting goofy, when he really
was in love, or close to it....
What signals are you getting? I like to really know, so any man who just
comes right out and tells me he's beginning to think about me more often, or
that he knows he's feeling something for me--I really like that. Is he
looking at you more often for longer periods of time? Is he talking to you
more than he was? Is he going out of his way to see you? Is he camping out
on your doorstep and keeps bothering you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? :)
Love, Lorelei :)
Question:
Lorelei, I have the answer to what love is, it is never a question
when it is true love. True love holds all power. It is most definitely putting
someone else's feelings and happiness before your own. Anyone who has ever felt
this way about another person would know without doubt when it's there. I feel
one of the hardest things is that once you have shared this kind of love and
passion with someone and then for some reason lose this person, your heart just has
to stay true to itself. So how do you ever find it again? I think I truly
believe that true love can only happen once because you can never let go. When your
destiny has come and you KNOW it then leaves without warning, your heart just
keeps yearning for true love.
Do you share this feeling?
--
That is an excellent definition of 'true love'. You really are experiencing that when
you are putting the other person first and they do the same for you.
The real question then, 'Is this true love, when the other person breaks up with you?'.
I really believe that 'true love' is only experienced when both partners have this feeling for each other.
If one partner has this feeling and the other does not, then the relationship will not have the balance it
requires to be true love (in the sense of the definition). This does not mean that once you have broken
up with someone you truly loved, you will never find 'true love' again. It just means that it is not easy
to find and once it is found it takes work and care to maintain it. It brings to mind a song lyric, "You can't find
love, all alone".
Love, Lorelei :) |
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